Sonic Wars
by Ramza the Fox
Summary: Read as the two notorious space pirates, Kei and Raditz go on a Star Wars based adventure filled with laughs and lazers.
1. Chapter 1

Sonic Wars

**Sonic Wars**

Episode#1: The Phantom Tails  
By: Ramza the Fox

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, something happened. However, that has absolutely nothing to do with this story.

This story takes place in the nearby future of that one year. But I can't really remember that year. It was a good year. Space travel was now at a premium, and almost everyone owned a spacecraft. New planets had been discovered, as well as new life. But I'm getting ahead of myself, I think. Let's start this story somewhere around the start.

--

It all started when war broke out among the Space Pirates and the Galactic Federation. The Space Pirates were an alliance of all the Pirate crews wandering space. The Galactic Federation was the universal union of the colonized planets and space. This is the story about two Pirates, a Cat and a Hedgehog.

--

Kei was busy repairing a conduit in the baths of the Pirate Starship Azgarde. The conduit controlled the hot water to the men and women's baths. He had just finished fixing the conduit, when a voice came over the intercom.

"Kei, come to the Storytime Room when you're done!" said the voice.

Kei looked up at the intercom and sighed heavily. It was his turn to tell a story in the Storytime Room. He was going to tell a scary story about an Elf boy with no help.

Kei dropped his wrench and began to head for the Storytime Room, when he ran straight into a young Cat boy. It was his best friend, Raditz the Cat. Raditz was a yellow Cat with very curly hair. He was wearing the standard uniform for a Pirate soldier. This consisted of a cyber plastic breastplate and red jumpsuit.

Raditz was knocked back quite a ways by their light impact. He was slammed into a bulkhead and fell to the ground. Raditz then ran at Kei and lightly bumped into him again, sending him flying through a window and jettisoning himself into outer space. However, he had an extra life, so he was ok.

"Hey! Big fat little lady!!" yelled Raditz as he stood two inches from Kei's air.

Kei raised an eyebrow at Raditz' statement. "I'm not a... whatever you said. I've got to go to the Storytime Room." said Kei.

"But it blew up five years ago five years from now!" stated Raditz.

"Huh?" questioned Kei.

"We're in the middle of a battle, you know." stated Raditz.

"We are?" asked Kei.

Only then did he notice all the explosions and alarms. Kei then started running down hallways that always seemed to lead to the same place, and actually did, but it was funny to watch, so no one told them that they were running in circles. They eventually got to the bridge, somehow. Kei ran up to the Captain of the Azgarde. He was a tall old man named Orlandu Blossom. He was wearing a spandex shirt that showed his musculature. He was also wearing brown jeans and boots.

"Captain Blossom, what's going on!?" asked Kei.

Orlandu looked at Kei, then gave a low "hmph!" "We're being attacked by the Galactic Federation for cutting in the line to get to Dante's Pizza. The fact that they caught on to us must mean that there's a spy in our midst!!" yelled Orlandu.

"Yeah, because they couldn't have seen us do it or anything..." stated Kei.

Orlandu glared at Kei. "You're awfully quick to be pessimistic... Maybe you're the spy." said Orlandu.

"It's sarcasm, not pessimism." stated Kei.

"Alright then, who is the spy?" asked Orlandu.

At that moment, Raditz started jumping up and down, waving his arms in the air. "Ew, ew, me! Pick me!" yelled Raditz.

"You're the one who stole my cookies!!" yelled Orlandu. Orlandu then button mashed, jettisoning Raditz into outer space, but, luckily, he was sucked into a black hole. "Takes care of that underwear thief!" stated Orlandu.

Suddenly, the Azgarde was rocked by another explosion, which caused a random underling that no one cared about to explode into rainbows.

"What hit us!?" yelled Orlandu.

In response to this question, a green and black Echidna walked up to Orlandu and pointed up. This caused Orlandu to look up. There, could be seen a woman in Chinese fighting cloths.

"I'm not a woman!!" yelled the woman, "I'm a man!"

The woman was latched to the ceiling, like some kind of ninja, mainly because she was. She dropped down in front of Kei and faced Orlandu. After a moment, they charged at each other. The woman drew a Chinese long sword and slashed at Orlandu, somehow missing horribly. Orlandu pulled a small box out of his pocket and then the battle hardened Captain quickly got down on one knee. He opened the box, revealing an engagement ring.

"Will you marry me!!" yelled Orlandu.

A hand reached out and grabbed the ring. "Yes!!" yelled Raditz. Orlandu then punched Raditz in the face, jettisoning him into outer space. Raditz was then hit by lasers, sending him flying off screen, but he still had five stock left.

The woman seemed shocked and touched. "I don't know what to say!" stated the woman, befuddled.

"How about your name?" asked Kei.

"It's Kazuki! Kazuki Miamoto! And I... wait... I'm a guy! You can't marry me!" yelled Kazuki.

"But you're so beautiful! You can't be a man!" said Orlandu, "You even have a girl's name!"

"I had weird parents..." stated Kazuki, "But I'll take that ring!"

Kazuki stole the engagement ring and vanished, laughing, in a puff of smoke. However, when the smoke cleared, she was still there.

"Where did she go!? I can't see her!" exclaimed Raditz.

Kazuki then ran out of the room and left the ship.

--

Meanwhile, on the Galactic Federation ship, their Captain was just having fun telling people what to do. The Captain of the G.F. Dauntless was a blue Hedgehog with no pants. His name was Sonic. The only clothing he was wearing was a pair of gloves and shoes. "I love the sweet breeze here! It's far out!" said Sonic.

Suddenly, a man with short messy black hair walked up to Sonic. He was a mildly tall man with swirled red eyes. He was wearing a black leather t-shirt and a fishnet shirt under it. He was also wearing black pants and shoes. When he stopped walking, "Underworld" by Nobuo Uematsu started playing in the background. His name was Isaac Sun.

"Where is that music coming from?" asked the man to no one in particular.

"Hey, Isaac! You're looking awesome today!" said Sonic, "Have you thought about my offer?"

"No, and I never will! I'm not going to be your gay lover!" yelled Isaac.

Sonic had been pestering Isaac about Isaac being straight. Isaac calmed himself and sighed.

"I have received word from Kazuki. He failed to assassinate the Pirate Captain." said Isaac.

"That pretty little thing never was very good at getting the job done." said Sonic, "Tell the men that we're pulling out right now. Let's get this overgrown bucket of bolts out of here!"

"Yes, sir!" saluted Isaac.

--

As the G.F. Dauntless started to pull away, Orlandu ordered the launch of the most powerful weapon that the Pirates had, the D.S. Stylus.

The D.S. Stylus flew at the retreating ship, but missed and hit a small planet instead. This caused the planet to turn into a Super Massive Black Hole that sucked everything into it. However, everyone used a one-up shroom to return to life, including the Super Massive Black Hole. This turned the Super Massive Black Hole into a Sandwich.

The Galactic Federation ship then made a hasty getaway, while the Pirates were distracted by the Sandwich. The Sandwich then hailed the Azgarde.

"Who are you and what did you do with my teeth?" asked Orlandu.

"I'm Mike Jones! I'm Mike Jones!" said the Sandwich.

"Alright! We get it! You're Mike Jones!" yelled Kei.

"No! I'm a Mushroom!" yelled the Sandwich.

"Eh?" questioned the green and black Echidna.

Then, suddenly, a light appeared in the middle of the Azgarde's bridge, then a man in white robes, with long brown hair and a goatee walked into that light. The light then slowly faded away.

"It's Jesus!" exclaimed Raditz to the green and black Echidna's hand.

"Nay!" said the strange man, "I am Mark Skinner!!"

"Aw..." sighed Raditz.

"What do you want?" asked Kei, "And don't say cookies."

"I have come from the Real World to tell you something of great importance!" proclaimed Mark.

"Great importance!?" asked Orlandu, "Hurry, tell us what it is!"

"Very well..." stated Mark, "I... am a MexiJew!"

Everyone was silent for a moment after that. Then Mark broke the silence.

"I am also supposed to tell you that you have unlocked the Sandwich Galaxy!" proclaimed Mark. After that, Mark imploded and disappeared.

"Then off we go to Sandwich Galaxy!" cried Kei.

"No! We go to Dante's Pizza first!" yelled Raditz.

"Then it's decided! We're off to Dante's Pizza, then the Sandwich Galaxy!" commanded Orlandu.

--

The Azgarde had soon landed at Dante's Pizza. Kei immediately sat in the front of the restaurant. He liked the view from the window here. Raditz quickly sat across from him.

"You really like this spot don't you?" questioned Raditz.

"Yeah! Just watch and you'll see why." said Kei.

Both Kei and Raditz looked out the window. For a while, nothing happened. However, soon, stars started exploding and it began to become dark.

"What's going on!?" cried Raditz.

"The end of the universe!" claimed Kei.

"But, then how are we still alive!?" asked Raditz.

"You got sucked into a black hole and you're asking **me** how we're alive?" asked Kei.

Then a man with short straight silver hair walked up to them.

"So what do ya want?" asked the man. He wasn't wearing a shirt, but had a pendant around his neck. He was, however, wearing a pair of black pants, boots, and fingerless gloves. He had a piece of pizza hanging out of his mouth and seemed to enjoy just sucking on it.

"Still not wearing a shirt I see, eh, Dante?" stated Kei.

"He'd look stupid in a shirt though." said Raditz.

After that comment, Dante shot Raditz in the back of his leg, jettisoning him into outer space. Luckily, he had been shot in the back of the leg, so he felt cool enough to survive.

"Are you gonna order or will I have to shoot you?" questioned Dante.

"I'll have the Devil Special." stated Kei.

"Gotcha!" exclaimed Dante. Dante then walked off to make the pizza. However, before he went to the back, he stopped and looked toward a stage in the middle of the back wall where bands would play, the music always being Rock of some kind. "King, start the show! We've got customers!"

After Dante yelled a bulbous man who could only be described as Elvis walked onto the stage. After a couple sound tests, Elvis began to sing "Blue Suede Shoes". A few cheers rose up from the crowd gathered inside of Dante's Pizza, but most of the assembled Pirates preferred other types of music than Classical Rock. However, no one booed Elvis.

--

Many Pirates had gathered at Dante's Pizza. This was a natural occurrence, seeing as Dante's Pizza was secretly a hideout for Pirates and Outlaws. The Pirates and Outlaws had been working together for millennia. However, the Outlaws were more covert than the Pirates, usually working in one to five man groups. Very few of the Outlaws were even recognized as such by the Galactic Federation.

Kei looked around and immediately noticed a meeting of the Captains. He could easily recognize a few of them.

The first Captain he recognized was Miles "Tails" Prower, the youngest Captain known in history. He was a yellow Fox with two tails. He was wearing a lab coat and a black t-shirt and a pair of black pants. The second Captain was Sanic Smith, the most Emo Captain of them all. He was a purple Hedgehog with long spiky hair with an Emo fringe. He was wearing a shirt with the Chiodos logo on it and a fishnet shirt. He was also wearing trip pants and black tennis shoes. He had multiple earrings and lip rings. The third Captain was an Echidna named Gathoid Zane. He was a red Echidna with strange eyes. He was wearing a Vader shirt with a fishnet left sleeve. He was also wearing black pants with a red stripe and black Pirate shoes. The fourth Captain was Ramza Valentine, the most ruthless Captain known to the Galactic Federation. He was a black Fox with red highlights and red eyes. He had long straight black hair with an Emo fringe. He was wearing chain mail with belts wrapped around his waist. He was also wearing belts all over his arms, black pants, a waist cape, and metal greaves. Another Captain was Orlandu Blossom.

Kei couldn't quite tell who the rest were, so he didn't think about it. Soon, Dante arrived with Kei's pizza. The Devil Special pizza consisted of Dragon's Blood as sauce, Catapelas Cheese, and pepperoni.

"Thanks, Dante!" said Kei. Kei looked at Dante and noticed that he was starring at the meeting Captains. "What's up Dante?" asked Kei.

"I'm wondering what their talking about." said Dante.

"Their talking about what characters are going to be in Super Smash Brothers: Mild Disagreement!" said Raditz.

"Oh, that makes sense! Maybe in your world." said Kei.

"Um, Kei... I think they really are talking about that..." stated Dante.

"Oh..." said Kei.

--

The Pirates had finished their meeting and were now setting sail. Kei, Raditz, and the green and black Echidna were about to leave for the Azgarde, when Dante walked up to them. He was now wearing a red gunner's coat and had his sword, Rebellion, and his two pistols, Ebony and Ivory, in a holster on his back. He looked as if he was ready for war. He walked up to the small group of Pirates. The green and black Echidna then looked up at him and grinned, but said nothing. Dante backed away from him a little nervously.

"Hey! I'll be coming with you guys." stated Dante, "I want in on the fun."

"That's nice, but shouldn't you stay here in your restaurant? Besides, you're an Outlaw, not a Pirate!" said Raditz.

At that moment, the green and black Echidna did a back flip, jettisoning Raditz into outer space, but, luckily, he got hit by a passing duck.

"The restaurant can take care of itself, and my girls'll be here." stated Dante.

"Well, we're glad to have you!" claimed Kei.

The Pirates and their Outlaw friend then boarded the Azgarde, which soon launched for the Sandwich Galaxy, but little did they know that there was a stowaway.

"Thank you, thank you very much!" said Elvis.

To be continued


	2. Chapter 2

Sonic Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Tails

**Sonic Wars**

**Episode 1: The Phantom Tails**

**Chapter 2**

**By Ksemanr**

The Pirate Ship Azgarde sped swiftly through the infinite reaches of space on its way to the Sandwich Galaxy. Sirens and alarms blared throughout the ship, warning anyone onboard that something undesirable was going on within the ship. These alarms went by completely unnoticed by the captain, Captain Orlandu Blossom, however, whose entire focus was concentrated on one small flashing red light in the bottom left corner of the rather large control screen of the ship. He knew that that light meant something rather important, but he couldn't quite place his finger on what exactly it was. He beckoned to one of the crew's robots, Metalix, to come over and inform him on what that blinking light was.

Metalix was a purple robot greatly resembling Sonic the Hedgehog, with sharper features, black robot like eyes with red irises lit up, and an engine in his torso. In fact he look a rather much lot like Metal Sonic, only purple.

"Hey robot, what does this little blinking light in the corner of the screen mean?" Orlandu inquired of the robot.

"That would mean that you're not wearing your seatbelt Captain. I think you ought to turn your attention to the alarms sounding right now though, as those would probably be more important at the current moment." replied the robot, rather annoyed by his Captain's lack of anything in the form of intelligence.

"Oh. And what would those alarms and flashing red lights mean exactly?"

"They mean we have an intruder onboard. A potentially dangerous intruder."

"Is that bad?"

"Yes."

"Oh…" said Orlandu as he sat back in his chair, trying to think of something to do about the current situation at hand. As he sat back his seat made a creaking noise, completely and utterly distracting Orlandu from his previous train of thought. He began to lean forwards, then lean backwards again, then lean forwards, and so on greatly amused by the creaking sound it made. The creaking sound unsurprisingly failed to amuse anyone but him, but rather greatly annoyed everyone else in the room, which were rather busy trying to track down the intruder with the ship's computer systems and could do quite well without the added noise. None of them dared say anything to him about it though, for fear of being jettisoned into space.

"Um… Captain…" interrupted Metalix hesitantly. "Shouldn't you do something about the intruder?"

"Huh? Oh, yes…" said Orlandu, briefly turning his attention away from the creaky chair in order to give an answer to Metalix. "Find him and/or her and bring him and/or her to me at once!"

"Aye, aye Captain!" Metalix replied as he gave a nod to his Captain and quickly left the room in search of the intruder. Orlandu resumed rocking back and forth enjoying the creaking sound it made until his attention was caught by a small bug scurrying across the floor. He leaped from his chair and proceeded to chase the bug around the bridge calling it his mommy.

Kei and Raditz were walking down one of the halls of the ship conversing with each other, completely oblivious to the sirens and alarms going off and the people running around them in a panic screaming in fear. Raditz turn around to face Kei.

"Kei, how would you react if I said that I'm not from Guildford after all, but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?" questioned Raditz.

Kei shrugged in a so-so sort of way. "It wouldn't really be that much of a surprise, what with space travel being so common and everything. It actually makes more sense if you weren't from Guildford. You're an anthropomorphic cat. Last I heard, anthropomorphic cats, or anthropomorphic anything for that matter, don't tend to come from Guildford."

"Oh..." said Raditz with a bit of disappointment.

Kei and Raditz continued down the hall towards the Storytime Room. Kei was going to tell his scary story about an Elf boy with no help, seeing as how he couldn't before, what with the Storytime Room being blown up and all. As they made their way, two large security guards walked past them escorting a bulbous man who could only be described as Elvis. Raditz ran up to Elvis and punched him in the shoulder, causing Raditz to fall down in pain clutching his stomach and screaming "My leg!!" The guards ignored Raditz and continued towards the bridge.

After about an hour of Raditz's crying on the floor about his leg and wanting to see his orthodontist, he finally got up and acted as though nothing had happened at all. When Kei attempted to question him about it, Raditz took on a serious expression and went on about how his deoderant smells like month old cheese. Bend-It Corporations Brand Deoderant, buy yours today and smell like you don't use deoderant! Warning: May cause sleepiness, drossiness, excessive amounts of earwax, loss of respiratory and bowel control, enlargement of the feet, loss of eyes, death, dismemberment of limbs, or a slight headache. Do not give to children under the age of 47.

Kei and Raditz continued towards the Storytime Room. As they neared the Storytime Room, the black and green echidna approached them.

"Hey Intoxication, what's up?" asked Kei.

The black and green echidna whose name is now confirmed to be Intoxication started waving his hands about and making odd hand motions. He then started to point at the door to the Storytime Room then made gestures to indicate an explosion.

"What? A taco?" replied Raditz.

Intoxication shook his head and pointed to the door and made the exploding gestures again.

"You want a sandwich?" asked Kei.

"I know! It's a taco!" said Raditz.

Intoxication shook his head again and pointed at the door then he exploded.

"Oh I get it! Taco!" exclaimed Raditz.

Intoxication reformed and shook his head. He then turned into a taco.

"Oh! Someone planted a bomb in the Storytime Room and we have only five minutes to get in there and defuse it?" explained Raditz.

Intoxication shook his head no, knowing they would think it meant yes.

"Darn, I guess this means Storytime will have to be put on hold again." commented Kei. "Come on Raditz, let's go."

A tall, skinny Italian man with a mustache wearing a green shirt and hat and blue overalls ran up to the three idiots. For those of you who are too dumb to figure out who it is, it's Luigi.

"Hey-a guys, the boss-a wants you all to report-a to the bridge-a immediately." He reported to the three, then jumped down a pipe and was gone.

"Alright let's head to the bridge." said Kei.

"Ok!" yelled Raditz as he proceeded to run into the airlock and jettisoned himself into space, but he was alright because he had his Capital One card!

Kei, Raditz, and Intoxication entered the bridge. Gathered inside were Orlandu, Metalix, Elvis, the two guards, Dante, and a green frog with a tail. Orlandu was interrogating Elvis.

"Who are you and what did you do with my eyes?"

"I ain't nothin' but a hound dog." replied Elvis.

"I am trespassing in your ship! How will you pay for your fish tacos? Credit or cash?" questioned Orlandu.

"Just let it go baby, just let it all go."

"How doth the little crocodile…" started Orlandu before he was interrupted by Metalix.

"Sir, sorry to interrupt your 'interrogation' but the others are here."

"Oh goody! I always do like a nice tea party! I'll take two lumps please!" squealed Orlandu with excitement. Raditz complied by hitting Orlandu upon the head twice with a mallet, creating two lumps on his head.

"Um sir, you were going to give those three orders, remember?" Metalix said to Orlandu.

"Ah yes! Your orders! I want you three to go explore the Sandwich Galaxy. Those three will accompany you." stated Orlandu indicating Dante, Metalix and the frog.

"You want us to take a frog with us? How's it supposed to help?" asked Kei.

'Watch your tongue you whole milk mozzarella stick! That's Froggy, Queen of Planet Farm you speak of!" boomed Orlandu.

"Uh…sorry?" replied Kei, confused.

"She's pretty!" exclaimed Raditz.

"Oh yeah I almost forgot…" said Orlandu as he pressed one of the buttons on his chair. A large, fat robot walked into the room. "This is Worker #10. He will join you on your journey. Now go forth, be conquered! Go forth and die!"

"Um, don't you mean go forth _and_ conquer, not _be_ conquered? And don't you want us to return alive?" asked Kei.

"Silence! You know not what you speak of! Be gone before I am forced to spread peanut butter on your nipples and lick it off with a giant spoon!" commanded Orlandu. Our heroes left the room as quickly as they could and left on their way to the Sandwich Galaxy.

The small vessel carrying our heroes made its landing in the Sandwich Galaxy. As they exited their ship, Kei took a look around their surroundings. They were standing on top of a giant double cheeseburger without onions from Wendy's. All around them he could see a variety of giant sandwiches that seemed to just float in the air, from Subway's five dollar foot-longs, to Krabby Patties, to just plain old grilled cheese sandwiches. In the distance, high above the other sandwiches he could see a Sephiroth Sandwich, a sandwich so amazing it cannot be described with words. He could faintly see something shining on the top of it.

Another small ship had now landed on the sandwich, and two men were walking towards them. One of them was the pirate captain Tails and the other was a red echidna wearing black pants and shoes and no shirt. He wore white gloves with two spikes on each glove and he had a white crescent mark on his chest. Tails walked up to our heroes to greet them.

"Hello guys. I'm Tails Prower, captain of the Tornado and this is Knuckles of the outlaws. We've come to assist you."

"Nice to meet you." replied Kei. "I'm Kei and this is..."

"I'm Wayne Brady!!" yelled Raditz and he pulled out a rocket launcher and shot it at his feet, jettisoning himself into space. Luckily he had his cell phone so he was ok.

"Is he always like this?" asked Knuckles.

"Yeah he's always like that. His name's Raditz." answered Kei. "And this is Intoxication." He said pointing at Intoxication who was pointing at Kei. "And that's Dante over there without a shirt and these are our robots Metalix and Worker#10."

"Who's the hot chick over there?" asked Raditz.

"That's Froggy, Raditz. And you already know her."

"Riiiiiiiiiiight." said Raditz, not believing him.

Just then there was a large explosion. Everyone turned around to see part of the Azgarde exploding, and the ship become unstable. It then crashed into the air and floated in the air wrecked.

"Well, there goes the Storytime Room." stated Kei.

"Oo ooo! Me next! Me next!" Raditz squealed, jumping up and down and waving his arm in the air. He then proceeded to explode and fly into space, but he was ok because he had his tray table up and his seat back in the full-upright position.

"Well, now we need find a town that sells parts to fix our ship while we're here." said Metalix, ignoring Raditz's act of stupidity completely.

"Alright, let's get this party started!" yelled Dante as our heroes ran to the edge of the sandwich they were on and jumped to the next sandwich.

Meanwhile onboard the G.F. Dauntless, Sonic was once again pestering Isaac about his offer when Kazuki entered the bridge. She was carrying the engagement ring from Orlandu in her hand. She stopped and looked about with an angry scowl on her face. "Will someone please tell this stupid narrator to use the correct pronouns!? I'm a man!" she yelled out in anger.

Sonic turned from Isaac to face Kazuki. "Hey Kazuki! I heard you failed to assassinate the Captain Orlandu. Smooth move, strudel head!"

"Yes, my apologies Captain. They were stronger than we anticipated. However, I did manage to make off with this in my possession." answered Kazuki as she held the engagement ring out to Sonic.

"Wow-wee! That's TIGHT! Good job Kazuki, this more than makes up for your failure. This is just what I needed!" exclaimed Sonic as he grabbed the ring and jumped down from his seat. Sonic got down on one knee in front of Isaac and held out the ring. "Isaac, will you marry me?"

Isaac seemed shocked and touched. He blushed a little. "I don't know what to say! This is so sudden and I… I… Wait a minute…. WTF!? Heck no! I will not marry you and I never will! Get away from me you homo!" screamed Isaac at Sonic's sudden proposal. Isaac then delivered a powerful kick to Sonic's face, knocking him halfway across the room. Isaac then realized what he just did and regained his composure. "Sorry Captain."

"It's ok Isaac, I forgive you. How can I stay mad at _you_?" said Sonic and he started to blink his eyes at Isaac in a girly fashion.

Just then a pink hedgehog named Amy walked into the room. She was wearing a red dress and red boots. She saw Sonic and noticed the engagement ring in his hand. She was suddenly filled with joy and ran over to Sonic and started hugging him. "My Sonic finally got the courage to admit his love for me and is now going to ask for my hand in marriage! I must be dreaming!"

"M-m-m-marriage?! No way!" yelled Sonic as he struggled to get out of Amy's grasp. "I've told you Amy, I don't like you! This ring is for Isaac!"

"W-w-what?" whimpered Amy as tears began to fill her eyes. Sonic broke free of her grip and crawled away in fear. Isaac walked up to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"If it makes you feel any better, I said no." Isaac assured her. This seemed to call Amy down a little. She then turned to face Sonic again.

"You're so cruel Sonic! All I came here for was to let you know part of the Pirate crew from the Azgarde has been spotted headed toward the Sandwich Galaxy and this is how you treat me! I hate you! I never want to see you again!" Amy then ran from the room in tears.

Isaac turned to Sonic. "Don't worry Captain; she'll be back to her normal self and chasing after you again in another five minutes."

"Did you hear that Isaac?" said Sonic standing back up again. "They're headed for the Sandwich Galaxy! Sounds like an invitation to party!" yelled Sonic clenching his fist with excitement. "Kazuki! Go find Vindrix and tell him his job in to intercept and destroy those meddling pirates and their little dog too!"

"Yes sir!" said Kazuki and she ran out of the room.

Back in the Sandwich Galaxy our heroes landed on top of a Whopper Jr. with cheese. On the sandwich they found a small person with a mushroom on his head called a toad. The mushroom on his head was white with yellow spots. He was standing on top of a crate cowering in fear of something. Dante approached the toad. "What's your problem?" he asked.

"I can't go on any further. I wanted to go see the race with the others but I'm scared to death of sandwiches!" answered the toad, quaking with fear. "Can you guys help me?"

"Ok that's nice" replied Dante and our heroes walked away leaving the toad there. Raditz ran into a launch star that launched him into space. Luckily he died though, so he was ok. The rest of our heroes used a different launch star to launch themselves to the next sandwich. A piranha plant popped out of the ground and started to bite at them, so Kei threw a star bit at it and it died. A vine grew from the sandwich which led to the next sandwich. The group used the vine to make it to the next sandwich, a giant BLT.

On the BLT was another toad, this one with blue spots and wearing glasses. He approached them. "The power star is that way!" he told them pointing in the direction of a large Angus burger on a giant plate. There was a town on the plate next to the sandwich with buildings made from fries, pickles, and other foods of the type. There was a fork leading from the BLT down to the plate. "I'd go myself but I'm fat." He told them.

"Hey you think maybe we could find the parts we need for our ship in that town?" asked Kei.

"We might. We should go check it out." replied Tails. Our heroes crossed the fork and entered the town. The town was full of people of all kinds of races, traveling back and forth between small shops selling various goods from strange foods to remote controlled peanut butter to radioactive lawnmowers.

"Let's just hurry up and find this repair shop and get out of here." scowled Knuckles. "I don't like this place."

"Calm down, we have to find it first." said Tails looking about the shops curiously.

Intoxication started pointing insistently towards a strange man wearing a black cloak and a black mask covering the lower half of his face who was motioning to them to come over to him. Kei, Tails and Raditz walked over to see what it was he wanted. Knuckles refused to go over, saying he didn't trust the man. Metalix agreed with Knuckles and stayed with him, and Worker #10 started chewing on a building made from a French fry. Dante went to check out a local pizza shop.

"Welcome Strangers, what're you buying?" asked the strange man as they approached him, opening his cloak. "I've got some rare items in stock today. Like this glow in the dark _When Shippo Attacks_ Cid Highwind action figure with tea drinking action! Or this one of a kind _Insert Spam Here_ Cademon figurine!" offered the merchant.

"Umm, no thanks." said Kei. "That's not what we're looking for. And besides, both of those are really common."

"Well then what _are_ you looking for Stranger?"

"We want a monkey!" yelled Raditz.

"Not enough cash Stranger!"

"Ignore him." said Tails. "We're looking for parts to fix their ship. Do you have any?"

"Sure I've got what you're looking for. Step inside Strangers. But wipe your feet before you come in." said the merchant as he entered a dimly lit building. The others followed in nervously, followed by Froggy who jumped in after them.

Meanwhile outside, a random salesman walked up to Knuckles carrying a briefcase. "Hello good sir, might I interest you in the new, improved Bend-It Corporations Personal Poopinator?" He then opened the briefcase revealing a toothbrush.

"Not interested." Knuckles replied coldly and turned around. The salesman refused to take no for an answer though and ran to the other side of Knuckles.

"Are you sure? It guaranteed to make all of your poop smell just like a spring breeze!"

"Really?" asked Knuckles, starting to become curious.

"Yes! And that's not all! It can also count all the way to 23, sort your laundry, cook pie and will do all your homework for you! And you can get it for the low, low price of 324526.67!"

"Wow!! It can do all that!?" exclaimed Knuckles, impressed.

"Yes! It's a guarantee!"

"I'll buy it!" said Knuckles handing all of his money to the salesman.

"A wise choice sir." said the salesman handing Knuckles the toothbrush. "Remember all sales are final. Side effects my include, but are not limited to: dehydration, consistent sneezing, pickles toes, insomnia, rashes in the nether regions, sudden weight loss, sudden weight gain, hair loss, and really long nose hairs."

Knuckles took the toothbrush from the salesman happy with his purchase, not realizing he just bought an ordinary toothbrush. Metalix looked at him with a look saying "You're an idiot." He then said "You really are gullible, aren't you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Knuckles, clueless.

Metalix slapped his forehead and shook his head then walked away.

Inside the shop were a bunch of random items here and there scattered about the room, including random action figures, books and old nasty rotten pieces of meat that no one wanted. There were also several ship parts scattered about the room also. In the corner of the room, playing with an old broken fishing rod was a fat, purple kitten. The kitten turned around and saw Froggy. This caught the kitten's attention and he threw down the old rod. "Froggy!!" he yelled like a retard as he began to chase Froggy around the room. "Come back here Froggy! I want to be your friend!" Raditz saw this and joined him in chasing Froggy.

"Who's the kitten?" asked Tails to the merchant.

"That's Big. Him and his mother are slaves that work for me. He's not much help though. He usually just ends up breaking my merchandise. So what parts do you need Strangers?"

"We're not sure exactly. You see, our Storytime Room blew up and…" started Kei when the Merchant interrupted him.

"Your Storytime Room!? I didn't know the damage was _that_ serious. You're going to need a Power Star to repair that kind of damage Stranger. And I just so happen to be sold out of Power Stars."

"Aw man that sucks." Said Kei disappointed. "Do you know where we can get one?"

"They're giving one away as the prize for the annual Chocobo Race this year. The great Sephiroth is giving it to the winner." answered the merchant. "Just enter yourself in the race and try to win the star Strangers."

"But none of us know how to ride a Chocobo!"

"Big here knows how to ride a Chocobo. He has one of his own out back." said the merchant, indicating a morbidly obese purple Chocobo sitting in the back of the store.

"Alright! Can we enter Big in the race?" asked Kei.

"Well, I can't let you enter him in the race for free Strangers. He's my slave after all."

"I know! How about we make a bet?" said Tails. "We'll enter Big in the Chocobo race, and if he wins you can have a cookie, and if he loses, you can have Raditz!" Raditz then stopped in his tracks and looked angrily at Tails. "Think about it, either way, you win!"

_That cat seems pretty stupid, but he's still smarter than Big. He'd be much more useful around the shop than that useless piece of fat Big. And there's no way that that idiot will be able to actually win._ The merchant thought to himself. _And in the off chance he does somehow win, I get a cookie! So either way I win! Maybe through this bet I can get rid of that stupid cat too. I've been trying to get rid of him for years, but no one will buy him, and when I try abandoning him he just comes back! _"You've got yourself a deal Stranger!" the merchant said at last. "And you know what, I like you so much, if you win, I'll let you guys take Big with you! How does that sound Stranger?"

"Alright! You've got a deal!" agreed Tails. Just then a few black specks flew by through the air.

"Oops, it looks like another pepper storm is about to start. Run along home to your mother now Big." said the merchant. Big stopped chasing Froggy and ran out of the building, his fat chocobo dragging itself along behind him. Raditz ran out of the building after him. "You better find yourself some shelter too Strangers. These pepper storms can be violent."

"Alright. Thanks!" said Kei as he, Froggy and Tails left the shop. Outside they met back up with Knuckles, Metalix, Dante and Worker #10 as the storm was starting to pick up. "Come on guys; let's follow Big to his place. Maybe his mother will let us take shelter in their house. Raditz already went with him anyways."

Our heroes made their way to Big's house. The storm had now started to become pretty violent as they entered his house sneezing. A young female raccoon wearing black shorts and a green shirt and shoes walked into the room. Her name was Marine the Raccoon. "Why hallo there mates!" she greeted them. "You must be Big's mates. I'm his mother. You can call me Marine."

Our heroes just started at her with blank faces, unsure of what to say. Finally Raditz spoke up. "Is he adopted?"

"Why, no. Why?" she replied.

"Uh…. No reason." said Kei.

"Well alright then. I'm stoked to know Big found himself some real bonza mates to play with. Would you all like some tucker?"

"Uh… no? We're fine?" replied Kei.

"Well alright suit yourselves." Just then Big started pounding his head against the wall repeatedly. "I think he wants to show you what he made. It's in that room over there next to him."

Kei, Raditz, Tails, and Dante went over to see what it was Big had made. They looked in the room to see a pile of crap sitting on a table. "Wow! It's awesome!" exclaimed Raditz.

"I know ain't it? He made it all by himself! I'm so proud!" said Marine, wiping a tear of joy from her eye. "He grows up so fast."

"Uh, right." said Kei, not sure what to say. "Hey, you got anything to eat? I'm starving!"

"Strewth! I already asked you if you wanted some a minute ago, but you said no! Oh well, come on in to the kitchen and get some tucker." Marine led our heroes to the kitchen and served them chicken and Dr Pepper. "Bog in!"

It was now night and the storm had passed. Marine had offered to let our heroes rest the night in her home. Everyone had eaten and gone to bed except for Tails and Kei who were standing outside on a balcony of the home conversing with one another.

"Take a look at this Kei." said Tails, indicating a small machine in his hand. "Take a look at Big's chlorine levels! They're off the scale!"

"He spent way too much time in the pool." replied Kei, shaking his head.

"His chlorine count is even higher than Master Cream's! And you know how much she loves the pool!"

"Wow. Maybe that has something to do with why he's so stupid."

"I think he might be the one who will fulfill the prophesy."

"What prophesy?" asked Kei.

"I dunno. That's what the script told me to say." replied Tails. "Anyways, we need to win this race tomorrow. We need to take Big to Master Cream and the rest of the Pirate Captains and see what they think, and to try and get permission to train him."

"You sure you want to do that? He doesn't seem all that smart; I don't think he'll learn all that well."

"We'll see." replied Tails. "We need to rest for tomorrow's race, let's head to bed."

"Alright. Night."

"Night." replied Tails as they both headed to bed to rest up for the big Chocobo Race.

To be continued…


End file.
